Every time I go into any convenience store I wonder at the sheer number of energy drinks crowding the checkout counter and cooler shelves. Every now and then I impulsively try one just to see what is so attractive about being so wired I can feel air molecules with my individual hair strands.  My reaction to every single one of these products, and I quote here, is “plech”.  They taste horrid, and the effect is absolutely nothing like what is advertised.   So once again I find myself swirling 409 brand surface cleaner around in my mouth to get rid of the taste and wondering why there is no anti-energy drink.  Perhaps one that even tastes good.

Well, there is actually. Although I am not 100% sure what its official name is.  Is it just “Purple Stuff” or is the made up word “Superliminal” a part of the official name as well?  At any rate, the can has printed on it “CALM DOWN”, “RELAX THE BODY” and “FOCUS THE MIND”.  Although it isn’t very relaxing to be shouted at in all caps by an inanimate object.  Perhaps the artists that designed the can were all fans of energy drinks of various kinds.

The ingredients list is pretty standard for any carbonated beverage with the exception of Rose Hips powder (10mg), Valerian Root (10mg) and the amino acid L-Theanine (5mg)   This is the interesting part because it makes this drink effectively an anti-energy drink.  It is hard to be wired and anxious when you feel relaxed and mellow.  Of course, you have to get past the 13 grams of Crystalline Fructose listed in the ingredients as well!

L-Theanine is thought to be beneficial for anxiety by increasing levels of gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA).  A brain chemical that is naturally calming.  It may also increase the serotonin levels in the brain, which is another feel-good neurochemical.  Valerian also acts to increase GABA and some researchers believe it inhibits the re-uptake of GABA as well.  Rose Hips are chock full of Vitamin C and everyone could use a bit more Vitamin C.  Especially if you smoke as smoking destroys Vitamin C.

So enough with the science stuff Mister Smarty Pants, how does it taste?  What effect does it have?  Can I drink a can or two and feel so mellow that woodland creatures come out of the forest to sit in my lap and share in the calm?  The short answer is, it tastes like very lightly carbonated grape Kool-Aid and I noticed no effect whatsoever.  The longer answer is below.

As I said above, it tastes like lightly carbonated grape Kool-Aid or even a grape Free-Z-Pop with a touch of carbonation.  It doesn’t have much of a carbonation “bite” and that is actually okay with me.  It is pretty smooth and tastes fine.  Although the grape-sweet taste seems to linger in my mouth longer than I would have liked.

As for the effects of the L-Theanine and Valerian Root, I didn’t feel anything and I tried it on an empty stomach just to get the full possible effect. Personally I think you would be better served by just picking up some Valerian Root capsules from a health food store.  It is less expensive and I am sure much more effective.

In conclusion it didn’t do anything for me except lighten my wallet by $2.50.  It isn’t horrid, or grotesque but it isn’t very refreshing either.  However, and this is important, virtually everything is subjective and what does not work for me may be beyond awesome for someone else.  My final recommendation is to go ahead and try it and see if it works for you.  If it doesn’t, then you can’t say you weren’t warned.